I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
