hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
