Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
