She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I AM VODKA MAN
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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