Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
