My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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