And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
