i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
