i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
