if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
