I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
where does the pee come out of this thing
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
