yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
