My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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