It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You're like the curious george of whores
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
