I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mom said you looked used
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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