Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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