i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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