Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
