I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
