you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
