Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
