dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
