Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
