we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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