I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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