Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
