we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
