Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
