i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
