I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
