If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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