i love accidental penises.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
