I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
