I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
