at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
