Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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