So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
