omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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