does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
no you cant smoke seaweed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
