Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
