My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
