Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
