now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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