Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
