just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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