Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
