it was like having sex with a tree stump
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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