I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
