Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
