literally had 100 drinks last night.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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