Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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