No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
