He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
