Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
