You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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